"Why" doesn't matter

I coach people who want to make changes and improve their lives. Many are trapped by believing that before they can make changes, they need to examine the past and figure out why life turned out the way it did.

Asking “why” can be useful. Knowing why your car won’t start helps fix the problem.

But, human beings are complex creatures. Considering all the variables, we cannot be certain about what really caused our circumstances. Was it a special relationship with a grandparent, the books we’ve read, the loss of a sibling, the alignment of planets, or the college we didn’t attend?

Searching for causes can give us a list of reasons (excuses?) and a convincing story to tell. However, we often have a choice — be satisfied with an interpretation of the past or move forward. Hmm . . . an explanation or results. Which will it be?

If you choose results, realize that, with few exceptions, “why” isn’t critical. Maybe you’re messed up because your parents were distant and uninvolved. So what? This understanding does not facilitate change.

Let go of understanding the past and open doors to possibilities. Examine your life — what works, what’s missing. Start from wherever you are and move forward. Create and implement a plan. Escape from the debilitating grip of the past and create the future of your dreams.